I am kinda into witchcraft.  Yup said it feels good.  What I really like about witchcraft is the honoring of nature and recognizing that there is not separation from you and spirit. Plus there is a real thing about the sacred feminine and as I get older I really want to be in my feminine power.

As in many spiritual practices altars are used.  My teacher Rory sees altars as portals. The connection to the divine is not a one-sided relationship though; so people will ask and then give at an altar.  The altar which doesn’t have to be fancy.  In fact my teacher Rory says that we are a living altar.  I saw her Friday night in my class and she talked about using altars.  And then at the altar you leave something as a gift. Rory suggests that we are the best gift we can give.  Now she is not saying sacrifice yourself in the literal sense. But leaving behind a part of yourself at the altar.  You can leave a physical part of you like your hair or an emotional part of you like anger.   She said that is a much better gift than any other sacrifice.   When I heard this I felt a recognition in me because just a couple hours earlier I had my own sacrificial altar moment.

I went to the Go Pro Mountain Games in Vail, CO; I am a grand champion in kayaking. Just kidding! As a part of the games they have yoga.  For $90 you get a four day pass to 2 yoga classes a day plus a gift bag PLUS you can watch the games.  Then, they had additional yoga experiences there.  These were paddle board yoga and airreal yoga which you had to paid $10 a piece for which I thought was a deal.  Vail is absolutely beautiful.  And the 2ish hour drive there is so worth it because you drive to the mountains! So that is beautiful.  Anyways I wanted to stop at one of the scenic areas to take some pics.  As I sat there I was just so humbled and awed by the beauty.  Prior to stopping I had two pretty cool yoga classes one which was with Kathryn Budig.  Kathryn Budig is kind of a yogi-celebrity.  She did a great class and what I really liked about her was that she was so genuine and PS she liked my hair.  So I was just so grateful for the experience.  This all laid the groundwork for this moment at the scenic stop.  I was so grateful, so grateful for this moment by the mountains.  Then the gratefulness grew and grew.  Until I was crying with joy.  I cried because I was so grateful that I did not kill myself. My depression was so dark and at times I thought the only way through it was to end my life.  And up until this moment at the mountains I would actually feel angry at myself at times for not following through. BUT then there I was sitting by the highway crying because this moment would never have happened if I had followed through.  I would have thrown it all away- my husband, my cats, the awesomeness that is my life. Then, I realized that I could leave it here at this moment.  I could leave my self hatred my anger.  I realized that the mountains are so strong and they could take the weight of my burden.

On the way home I realized that I may go into the dark place again because unfortunately that is the cycle of depression.  But what I can now do is remember the mountains, my altar.  I left my tears and my darkness on the side of the road by the mountains.  So you could imagine how later that night when I was sitting in class and hearing what Rory said I felt like life was going exactly where it needed to be in this moment.  Furthermore, I ordered my business cards earlier in the week and I decided on a mountain theme, with no clue of what the next days would bring.

I know what my next tattoo is…and I will always remember the mountains.

 

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