I am kinda into witchcraft. Yup said it feels good. What I really like about witchcraft is the honoring of nature and recognizing that there is not separation from you and spirit. Plus there is a real thing about the sacred feminine and as I get older I really want to be in my feminine power.
As in many spiritual practices altars are used. My teacher Rory sees altars as portals. The connection to the divine is not a one-sided relationship though; so people will ask and then give at an altar. The altar which doesn’t have to be fancy. In fact my teacher Rory says that we are a living altar. I saw her Friday night in my class and she talked about using altars. And then at the altar you leave something as a gift. Rory suggests that we are the best gift we can give. Now she is not saying sacrifice yourself in the literal sense. But leaving behind a part of yourself at the altar. You can leave a physical part of you like your hair or an emotional part of you like anger. She said that is a much better gift than any other sacrifice. When I heard this I felt a recognition in me because just a couple hours earlier I had my own sacrificial altar moment.
I went to the Go Pro Mountain Games in Vail, CO; I am a grand champion in kayaking. Just kidding! As a part of the games they have yoga. For $90 you get a four day pass to 2 yoga classes a day plus a gift bag PLUS you can watch the games. Then, they had additional yoga experiences there. These were paddle board yoga and airreal yoga which you had to paid $10 a piece for which I thought was a deal. Vail is absolutely beautiful. And the 2ish hour drive there is so worth it because you drive to the mountains! So that is beautiful. Anyways I wanted to stop at one of the scenic areas to take some pics. As I sat there I was just so humbled and awed by the beauty. Prior to stopping I had two pretty cool yoga classes one which was with Kathryn Budig. Kathryn Budig is kind of a yogi-celebrity. She did a great class and what I really liked about her was that she was so genuine and PS she liked my hair. So I was just so grateful for the experience. This all laid the groundwork for this moment at the scenic stop. I was so grateful, so grateful for this moment by the mountains. Then the gratefulness grew and grew. Until I was crying with joy. I cried because I was so grateful that I did not kill myself. My depression was so dark and at times I thought the only way through it was to end my life. And up until this moment at the mountains I would actually feel angry at myself at times for not following through. BUT then there I was sitting by the highway crying because this moment would never have happened if I had followed through. I would have thrown it all away- my husband, my cats, the awesomeness that is my life. Then, I realized that I could leave it here at this moment. I could leave my self hatred my anger. I realized that the mountains are so strong and they could take the weight of my burden.
On the way home I realized that I may go into the dark place again because unfortunately that is the cycle of depression. But what I can now do is remember the mountains, my altar. I left my tears and my darkness on the side of the road by the mountains. So you could imagine how later that night when I was sitting in class and hearing what Rory said I felt like life was going exactly where it needed to be in this moment. Furthermore, I ordered my business cards earlier in the week and I decided on a mountain theme, with no clue of what the next days would bring.
I know what my next tattoo is…and I will always remember the mountains.