It has been a year since we moved from PA to CO. And I have to say that I still love being here. I felt like my last blog I was whining a little bit because I actually have a supportive husband. I’m still not going to massage school. Sometimes I do feel stuck but Tony Robbins (I may have used this quote before) states that we overestimate what we do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a lifetime. I look back at the last of 5 years and how much is changed. I never, ever thought I would be in a different state let alone half way across the country. I thought I was on my career path as a social worker and now I’m on a totally different path. I’m just saying that change is constant and a year from now I know feel I will be amazed where I am at.
That being said, I realize that I try to control things. I do it by being accommodating to everyone but myself. I do it when I give my power to other people. One may look at these behaviors and think I am a people pleaser. But in reality, I am just trying to keep everything together. I worry so much that people are going to leave me if I just be myself. In a way that is trying to control. A great book to read on this topic is the “Four Agreements”. One of the agreements states that you shouldn’t make assumptions. That means that I shouldn’t assume what other people think and that what they think is none of my business. If I am putting up a façade just to keep someone by me then I am no better than someone trying to control the relationship. I don’t want to control things anything more. All I can control is myself. How people react to me is their stuff not mine. I am trying really embrace who I am. I believe that if I embrace myself then everything will fall in line.
As far as my business, it is a slow process. I am working on it. I am taking part in a Spiritual Fair on 11/4/17 so all my CO peeps come visit! I have found a good business networking group and I am making great connections with people. The problem is that I am impatient and I want what I want now. In the meantime, I am working at a local farmers market/supermarket. I love all the people I meet and work with.
My newest dilemma is what to do when the ‘writing is on the wall.”
I am told by various psychics/energy healers that I am very intuitive. I was told by one reader that I hide from my intuition. I told her the reason why I don’t listen to my intuition is that often the things I feel are not positive and I don’t want to be right. She said look at it this way if you had the ability to help others-to let them know why wouldn’t you. When she put it this way it made sense. One of the ways I think I could differentiate is if there is any gain for me for telling someone. There is usually not a gain for me. The other thing that holds me back is fear. I am so worried that people will think I’m being weird. Well, I should just embrace the weird. I mean I am kind of weird. In fact, I used to have a key chain that said that I am not weird I am gifted. This goes back to what I said earlier about trying to control. I am trying to control how people think of me. In reality this is beyond my control since I do not have the power over other people. But I do have a gift and its time I use it.