What a year….

rainbow 1It has been a year since we moved from PA to CO.  And I have to say that I still love being here.  I felt like my last blog I was whining a little bit because I actually have a supportive husband.  I’m still not going to massage school.  Sometimes I do feel stuck but Tony Robbins (I may have used this quote before) states that we overestimate what we do in a year and underestimate what we can do in a lifetime.  I look back at the last of 5 years and how much is changed.  I never, ever thought I would be in a different state let alone half way across the country.  I thought I was on my career path as a social worker and now I’m on a totally different path.  I’m just saying that change is constant and a year from now I know feel I will be amazed where I am at.

That being said, I realize that I try to control things.  I do it by being accommodating to everyone but myself.  I do it when I give my power to other people.  One may look at these behaviors and think I am a people pleaser.  But in reality, I am just trying to keep everything together.  I worry so much that people are going to leave me if I just be myself.  In a way that is trying to control.  A great book to read on this topic is the “Four Agreements”.  One of the agreements states that you shouldn’t make assumptions.  That means that I shouldn’t assume what other people think and that what they think is none of my business.  If I am putting up a façade just to keep someone by me then I am no better than someone trying to control the relationship.  I don’t want to control things anything more.  All I can control is myself.  How people react to me is their stuff not mine.  I am trying really embrace who I am.  I believe that if I embrace myself then everything will fall in line.

As far as my business, it is a slow process.  I am working on it. I am taking part in a Spiritual Fair on 11/4/17 so all my CO peeps come visit! I have found a good business networking group and I am making great connections with people.  The problem is that I am impatient and I want what I want now.  In the meantime, I am working at a local farmers market/supermarket.  I love all the people I meet and work with.

My newest dilemma is what to do when the ‘writing is on the wall.”

I am told by various psychics/energy healers that I am very intuitive.  I was told by one reader that I hide from my intuition.  I told her the reason why I don’t listen to my intuition is that often the things I feel are not positive and I don’t want to be right.  She said look at it this way if you had the ability to help others-to let them know why wouldn’t you.  When she put it this way it made sense.  One of the ways I think I could differentiate is if there is any gain for me for telling someone.  There is usually not a gain for me.  The other thing that holds me back is fear.  I am so worried that people will think I’m being weird.  Well, I should just embrace the weird.  I mean I am kind of weird.  In fact, I used to have a key chain that said that I am not weird I am gifted.   This goes back to what I said earlier about trying to control.  I am trying to control how people think of me.  In reality this is beyond my control since I do not have the power over other people.  But I do have a gift and its time I use it.

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