What do with your dharma.

I been trying to get a job in social work.  In fact 3 months ago I had a job opportunity but lost it.  Even though I lost that job opportunity it showed me I could get a job in the field.  So, I been working with another company not doing social work but they hate me because I have pointed out all the things they are doing wrong in their company.  I even offered to work in a different position for the company and they refused.  They don’t want someone to rock the boat they want someone to tow the company line which at the end of the day is making money.  It has gotten to a point now that they are purposely cutting my hours back under the guise of me looking for another job.  I been on a ton of job interviews for social work primarily in hospice with no luck.  My resume is impressive enough to get through the door but something happens during the interview that I lose the opportunity.

That brings me dharma, which is basically living your true nature, being on your path and walking it.  How does this relate to my job woes?  I don’t know if social work is my dharma.  To be honest, social work was never on my radar growing up.  My college roommate in her undergrad was social work major but I never really thought anything about it.  My undergrad was in anthropology.  I picked it because I liked learning about different cultures and different people.  Actually, I was really into history specifically world history.  I just thought that being a historian would be boring hence why I went with anthropology.  Anyway, I became a child welfare caseworker in 2005 and that is just another name for social worker.  I got into the job because I was trying to make more money for my family and myself.  I was a year out of college and had student loans.  Plus, I lived with my sister and her two children and was providing for them.  The caseworker job came at a time I needed it.  I did it out of convenience not because I wanted to do it.  Don’t get me wrong I am grateful for my time as a child welfare worker.  I would not have been able to obtain a masters degree for free through the state.  But if I am being honest here I did it because it was silly not to do it.  Everyone at my agency would get their masters through the state program for child welfare workers.  Nevertheless, I did it for 10 years until I reached my breaking point and decided to get a job as a hospice social worker.  I did that for a year and towards the end of my stay in PA I was working part time for a hospice and at the same time doing my passion of teaching yoga, doing reflexology, and reiki.  I was happy and broke.  My husband has been supporting me for awhile and he does not complain about it.  In fact he is the first to push me to work my business.

I guess what I am saying here is that all my life I did everything to make everyone else happy; I was doing everyone else’s dharma.  I went to college because my mother pushed me my whole life.  Pushed me to have good grades so I could get into a good school.  When she died I decided that I would finish college and I let her death be the fuel to push me.  It was not until I met my husband who does not care about what others think of him that a shift began to occur.  Little by little I started living for myself.  There are times that I do things that make others happy but I am starting to really recognize it.  I been getting a lot messages that I need to work on my healing gifts to help people.  And I think that is why I been so blocked in obtaining a job.  I have a business but it is by no means thriving.  And when I start getting some momentum it stops.  I think part of the problem is that I am splitting my energy.  I am saying to the universe that I want to be a social worker while at the same time saying I want to work on my business.  The universe does not know what to give me.  Part of it is that I have to work for myself and I don’t even know where to begin.  I been going to marketing classes etc to work on that as well as networking.  My therapist thinks that I am better suited to a structured environment and job.  I want to prove her wrong.  In addition, I like to think I am pretty intelligent so I can figure this out.  I have always had this mentality that things will work out the way the are supposed to.  But maybe I need to shift this.  I have to hustle for the things I want.  I have to treat my business like a job.

believe in yourself

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