Practice and all is coming…

I cried yesterday…first it started with my husband who admits that he likes to push my buttons.  But it ended up me relieving so much of my angst.  It all started with being invited to a business networking meeting.  I had a feeling what type of meeting it was.  There are organizations out there that expect you to meet people and then bring back leads for other people.  These organizations are usually money focused.  When I tried to discuss this, I was told to wait until the end of the meeting.  The meeting was very organized and all the people felt really genuine.  However, they wanted $700.  $700 is a lot for a new business owner.  At first, I was all on board because they all seemed to be doing so well and I could use the leads and I could use the money.  And I thought you gotta spend money to make money, right?  I told them I would get back to them about making payments on this $700 membership.  But then when I got in the car I felt a sense of dread.  I was disappointed because my instincts were right and I actually hate when I’m right (not honoring my intuition).  But in typical fashion for me I shoved that disappointment down.

Then, I come home and my husband was just being himself and sometimes he jokes and I took his joke too seriously.  Eventually, the tears came.  I cried about being dependent on him.  Yes, he gives me money because I have no money right now coming in.  He doesn’t make me feel bad about it but I really prided myself that I could take care of myself.  This pride put me in a great deal of debt because I never asked anyone for money and used credit cards.  This pride makes me a big ball of anxiety whenever I have to ask anyone for anything.  This pride made me feel guilty for not working-for not doing something.  So, this week I went to local businesses giving my business card and resume hoping that someone will get back to me.  I discount my services because I am so desperate to do.  I been applying to jobs left and right.  I feel like I’m hitting a wall.  My husband said you did everything now you just wait. Waiting has never been one of my strongest attributes especially when it comes to me.  I want everything NOW!  He says I need to focus on me.

Getting back to the business meeting…I decided to see if there were any alternatives to the organization that I was approached by.  The place to look is meetup there is tons of options for people.  I found a business organization there that was the total opposite of the one I went to yesterday.  Guess what? They had a meeting today I went and it was amazing.  Even though I was the only funky color haired person there, I met amazing people and learned so much more than at the meeting yesterday.  The cost FREE all you have to do is patron the venues the meeting is at.  Today, the meeting was a restaurant so I got breakfast and I tipped well.  I met people who are considered power partners someone you can learn from.  Yes, it is important to be with spirit but meetings like these are so grounding because it can apply to everything you do.  One of the individuals I met there was this incredible woman name Clarissa who shared all this wonderful information.  She and I are going to meet up next week.  In talking to Clarissa I was really reminded that it is about connections.  It is about connecting to people and I realized I just have to make friends with people…the rest will come in due time.  I am not saying that I should make friends just to build a business-wait maybe I am.  Wouldn’t it be great if we are treated like friends by businesses?  I would rather go to a business that not only provides great services but genuinely cares about me like a friend.

Also, one of questions in the meeting was having patience.  Perhaps I need to have patience.  I have done the work and continue to do the work.  Tony Robbins states that we overestimate what we can do in a year but underestimate what we can do in a lifetime.  I have a lifetime here and if I want my work to reflect that I must have patience.  This is a practice but I believe that if I want to succeed I must continue.